


What Does It Really Mean?

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Reader-Insert, in the closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 05:52:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11075367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Emily and the reader have a complicated relationship that she can no longer be in.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	What Does It Really Mean?

This hollow feeling inside her. She couldn’t take it anymore. After all these years, Emily had finally been able to admit to herself that she was in love with Y/N - and she could tell she loved her too, but Y/N was scared. Her upbringing had not been kind. And she was afraid to be who she was.

Giving yourself to someone, only to have them not be able to commit to you, was a feeling she couldn’t stand any longer. Emily didn’t blame Y/N, no, not at all, she felt horrible for her, but this was eating away at her soul from the inside out, and she could no longer be in a “not relationship” with no reciprocation. As she made her way from the bar back to the dance floor, she gathered Y/N into her embrace. This was going to be their last dance. Emily knew it. 

Te amo, te amo, she says to me  
I hear the pain in her voice

She gathered Emily into her, running her hands up her waist as they swayed to the music. The ‘I love you’s’ spoken into Emily’s ears stung at her eyes. They weren’t supposed to. She was supposed to believe Y/N’s proclamations, but she couldn’t not when everything had to be done in secret. Not when they couldn’t tell those closest to them. Not when she couldn’t even admit to herself who she truly was. It hurt Emily too much to see her that way, and she couldn’t live this life anymore.

Then she said Te amo, then she put her hand around my waist  
I told her no, she cried Te amo  
I told her I’m not gonna run away, but let me go

Again, Y/N whispered in her ear, the sentiments followed quickly by soft kisses that both warmed her and stung at her burnt skin. The bile rose in Emily’s throat and when Y/N’s hands found their way to her waist once more, she pushed them back and turned away. “I can’t do this anymore, Y/N. I can’t.” The tears streamed down her face and she made her way through the dance floor, pushing past everyone in her way with the only goal being fresh air and room to breathe. 

She’s begging me and asking why it’s over

Emily found herself clutching the sides of the club they were in - one that was 30 minutes outside of the city because Y/N didn’t want to risk anyone finding them out. Each breath rattled out of her like fire, stinging at every nerve. “Emily!” she called.

She tried to shield herself, wanting not to break the heart of the woman she loved - but she couldn’t. Y/N was breaking her heart too. She needed to protect herself before her feelings went any deeper - before Emily was too far gone to bring herself back from the brink. “I can’t do this anymore, Y/N!” she screamed back, not caring about who heard. 

Even then, Y/N shushed her, beyond scared that someone would find out who she truly was. More than anything, Emily didn’t want her to be scared anymore. “Why? Emily, I love you,” she sobbed, pulling her toward her and placing a tentative kiss on her lips. But she had to pull away, she had to before she was lost again. Her kisses were the best and worst kind of drug. She pushed her away with a heavy heart. “Emily, I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she spoke earnestly, the tears falling from her eyes in waves. “But I can’t keep going on hiding this anymore. I’m so sorry you feel like you can’t tell anyone, but I can’t live like this anymore.” They came in separate cars because of Y/N’s fear, so Emily started toward her car, hearing Y/N’s footsteps come up from behind her. 

A tug on her elbow jerked her backward, but again she pushed away, wiping the tears from her eyes as she turned back toward the car. “Emily, please!” she begged. “I’m trying. You don’t understand. Everyone I love will turn on me. I need to find a way to tell them on my own terms!”

“You’ve been saying that forever,” Emily said, resigned to the fact that she’d heard this all before. “It’s easier said than understood and accepted, but if the people you love are going to turn on you because you’re gay, then they don’t love you. We all need love in same way. I’m not afraid to love you, but you’re afraid to love me, and I can’t sit by and feel that anymore. I’m sorry, Y/N. I can’t…” 

Without finishing her thought, she turned back a third time and ran toward the car at light speed. Emily had to get out of here. If she turned around and saw the pain in Y/N’s eyes, she’d break. She’d wait forever for Y/N to feel comfortable and in the meantime her own heart would break apart piece by piece.

Quickly, she got into the car and slammed the door shut, cutting off Y/N’s pleas to stay. As carefully as she could, she pulled out of the parking spot, her tear-filled eyes connecting with Y/N’s as she came to hit on the driver’s side window. “Please!” she cried. “Don’t go! I love you!”

Pulling out of the lot, her body was wracked with sobs. She loved her so much.

Te amo, te amo, don’t it mean I love you


End file.
